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Contritum: Silver and Red (Full Chapter 1) by Akara-Legend

I want to know if the vampire story I'm writing is cliche or not? Like disgusting cliche and bad. I want to know if you enjoyed reading it/think that it would be acceptable? It's directed towards young adults and WILL contain gore, but no nudity or major profanity, so it's safe to read.

Appreciate it if comments were on the page itself :3



Spoiler PLOT:









There is no specific year it's set in, since it has nothing to do with the real world, but it's based off of medieval times. It's hard to explain the plot without spoiling what it's about and causing more confusion. The basic idea is that there is a pact between Contritum (human kingdom) and Lunasol (lycanthrope kingdom) in which they vow to protect them from vampires, as long as they give a third of their crop/animals to them, but the pact gets broken when children (who are not killed) are mysteriously stolen from the Capitol, and the werewolf princess flees home, and a war starts between the lycanthrope and humans, giving the vampires an opportunity to plan against them. They plan on building an army of stolen children (since children are easily manipulated) and attempt to take Contritum. The second half involves two children who live on a human plantation/farm where the vampires keep humans like animals. They manage to escape with  two others, and try to find their way back to Contritum. (interesting stuff happens that makes this side interesting). I think the plot will become more clear when I add new chapters.
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:iconlmw-creations:
LMW-Creations Featured By Owner May 11, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Would one be able to become a contributor, here?
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:iconempty-oyster-shell:
empty-oyster-shell Featured By Owner Jun 20, 2014  Hobbyist Photographer
We are currently full on contributors sorry!
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:iconmichel-le-fou:
Michel-le-fou Featured By Owner May 11, 2014  Professional Writer
That must be oted on or the founder will do it.
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:iconjchrispole:
Jchrispole Featured By Owner Apr 26, 2014
Hey, I'm looking for someone to be a Beta to my work. I just recently learned that that can help. Anybody know where I can find someone like that? 
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:iconmichel-le-fou:
Michel-le-fou Featured By Owner Apr 26, 2014  Professional Writer
I can look for you. Note me.
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:iconjchrispole:
Jchrispole Featured By Owner Apr 27, 2014
Thank you, sir. I don't need one right away but if at anytime in the future, you happen to find someone looking for a writer, you could probably direct them to me. And yeah, I did note you; I hope it got to you. 
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:iconmichel-le-fou:
Michel-le-fou Featured By Owner Apr 27, 2014  Professional Writer
I read and replied. Np.
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:iconmvgportfoliopage:
MVGPortfolioPage Featured By Owner Apr 22, 2014  Professional Writer
Thank you for adding me :)
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:icondaydream---believer:
daydream---believer Featured By Owner Feb 15, 2014   Writer
Thank you for adding "Co-ffee-lings" to your gallery!
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:icontanor-faux:
Tanor-Faux Featured By Owner Feb 3, 2014   Writer
Poetry folder is still pretty full. I had to submit mine to the other folder that looks like it accepts poetry too. If it has to be moved, I can do so or wait till a new poetry folder is made...
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